Endless Headaches And Thrill Seekings

Night at the Airport

2010-03-09T20:21:00.000Z

This is me with my guitar in Dublin Airport ,just before halloween, we stayed up all night waiting with a friend as she had to get a flight at four in the morning . Cue a couple of bottles of wine , hot chocolate , coffee , cake and another all nighter .
It was quite hilarious at about 6 in the morning when the airport staff gathered around the booth while I played .
Another one of those things in life that you are so happy you done .

What if ?

2010-03-03T16:17:00.000Z

I am great at fooling myself. Think I may enjoy it in some delusional way. I love to sing and play guitar but up until recently, I've have been struggling to come past the barrier of "what if someone doesn't like me?". "What if I'm not good enough to get the approval of a majority". Moving forward may not always be an option , crossroads intertwine to make moving forward mean going back into the spaghetti junction of decisions that don't play out smoothly any more. But why does it have to be smoothly?

I've hesitated and stalled over what I really want , a lot ,I believe it's called growing up . Bad decisions are not making one , at least you can move on quicker .
I know I may not get what I want all the time , but there is freedom to be yourself if you don't care as much if someone cares about you or not. Think I am getting to the stage where "if you don't like me , your loss , I'm fricken awesome"

This took me like 30 mins to write but what the hell putting it up

Stare at me right now,
Somehow you see what I felt,
stare me down now,
You know, I know I should’ve have left
I should’ve, should’ve left

Enough, falling to my knees, still standing straight you are.
Have got that fresh scar, to tend to,
Brush gut , with wrench, Tightened as you hit me with
You look as if it was just a gift, but it was just enough to break me.

Stare at me right now,
Somehow you see what I felt,
Stare me, stare me down now,
You know, I know I should’ve have left
I should’ve, should have left

Enough, pangs of what has been felt by many,
And Many times been before,
Deplore, deplore,
I took it more once more
Once more, Than I ever should have.
Deplore, deplore
I took me down more than more than you ever could have,
But that feelings telling me
Deplore, deplore.
Staring at you right now,
Somehow you felt what I felt

Stare me down now,
If you can at all,
I see another way,
To win the game that I never knew was played,
But that’s just too easy, too easy.

To my knees ,,,

2010-02-26T03:45:00.000Z

Smile turning to a laugh , we knew it made no sense .
Nonsense is best , when you have the rest making up for it .
When that laugh turns to a stare.
A stare so fair , you wear it so well .
Resting upon your lips breathing and beating .
The feeling seethes and leaves,
Dazed and gazing and it's piercing,
You bring me to my knees.

I'll come back to this

Softly stilly sleeping

2009-12-21T05:30:00.000Z

Just wrote a song and liked it , so just putting it up , yet to write the music yet but I'd say it's one I'll want to record as soon as I get webcam with good audio recording(any suggestions leave in comment box)

Softly stilly sleeping
It’s past the clock of sanity,
The one I used before I met you.
Caught up in the thoughts that bombard,
Want to awaken you from your slumber,
It shouldn’t be this hard?
You couldn’t be that far under

Wake up , wake up , no don’t .
Let dreams of stars and happiness
Drag you under ,with their charm and grace
And tell me all about it when you get back to this place.

Softly stilly sleeping
Right there in my arms,
Wondering what place your mind’s created,
Have you succumb to happiness’s charms
Have the stars told you yet that your eyes make them think of a friend,
Well they would if this was real, is it time to make your journey end ?

Wake up, wake up, no don’t.
You look so peaceful there
So I’ll just dote another time,
Just a while longer anyway, I really do care

Softly stilly sleeping
I fell weary by your side
Pondering what you saw and in your bliss I hid and
I left you to the stars
Softly stilly sleeping

Softly stilly sleeping
You woke me with a kiss,
Asked what it was for,
You said that, you couldn’t resist.

SURPRISE!!!!! Awww you knew :-/ !??!

2009-12-05T02:09:00.000Z

Call me strange (don't shout it!), but I love surprising people . I am writing this post as I have the feeling that someone I was trying to surprise found out I was trying to surprise them . GRrRRRRRrrrRrRrR you !!!

This discussion arose from the fact surprise chocolate is apparently 10% more enjoyable than normal chocolate (seriously GrRRRRRR you)and being the scientist I decided to begin my experiment with some research.

I love surprising people , well if it makes them smile or it is funny , I don't make a habit of scarring someone for life just to surprise them(well I don't mean to).
I like the little surprises , when someone makes you a cup of tea without asking, when everything goes to plan. But I also like giving those little things . Finding that book your friend has been after for ages, that song your grandad hasn't heard in 30 years but won't stop going on about it , getting that ticket for your brother that couldn't afford .

But where there is a surprise , there can be an anti climax instead . We as humans are inquisitive people and we forget that we do like surprises (well I do as I tap and listen to presents from under the Christmas tree to figure out what it is, even though they are not mine). Also surprise parties , who would want to go to their surprise party looking like the only who wasn't dressed up?

There's just something about going out of your way , exceeding someone's expectations and pleasantly surprising them , maybe it really does give that extra ten percent of enjoyment(grrrrr you :P ). Then again we all love being mini detectives and figuring out what someone has got us for Christmas.
We aren't half awkward ehy?

Anyway I'd like to know , what is the best surprise you have ever received ?

Ps.Just realised If she didn't know before , she does now :/ can't find it anyway , now she can just do with normal chocolate for the experiment :p

Where did all the good people go ?

2009-12-02T23:21:00.000Z

I love when someone who you have never met , has no connection to you and through no gain of there own helps you . It makes you smile and want to be the best person you can when this happens .

The person who makes an effort to get your phone back to you or wallet .
The nurse that spends her break listening to people .
The people that genuinely care about people and not what they will get in return .

Those unsung heroes know who they are and I and other people may not get a chance to say thanks , but we are more thankful than you will ever know .You will get remembered , maybe not by name, but definitely in the hearts of people you have touched.

Those who go through life pretending it is there show and everyone else is just in it , may get the attention , but they will never have the feeling these people get all the time .

"Passing it[kindness] forward" or Karma is a great way to live your by.
Such a great feeling and through actively trying to do good in your life you grow and feel like a better person . Bad people may be remembered but good people will always be missed

Updating the dated

2009-10-29T04:40:00.000Z

Wow .

Haven't really kept with this but I will do my best , looking at my first post I think " eh " .
New year in UCD , doing well , I'm pleased and feeling happier in day to day life .
Moved into a nice house , made some good friends and trying to learn for French and learn Italian .

In my quest to learn French I just watched Eddie Izzard's French show . Really enjoyed it and shows a lot of character and is a real inspiration . Here is the link to the first video , there are six in all .

Thinking of setting up a UCD bandsoc/jamsoc where people can join and play instruments write and have fun with music together. Also still working with my own music , really happy with my guitar playing

Going to biffy clyro tonight can wait , will try and update this a little more than I have.

Reflecting

2009-05-03T01:09:00.000+01:00

I'm sitting in here, in a cold living room , in my college accomodation, feeling absolutely miserable.

I wonder why ?

I just feel deflated . But it does make me think , about almost everything. Is it just me who has to feel low in spirit to reflect on things?

One bulb is working , there I am looking at the negative . One bulb is working , that's fecking excellent , better than most people.

I have exams next week , no looking forward to it , still have no idea what I want to do with life.

Scary prospect , I just don't know what the hell I am doing with life , I just don't feel I am living it to the full .

That's all for now , hopefully write more in better spirits.

What is it all about ?

2009-03-24T20:11:00.002Z

It is a cold evening in Spring and I am wrapped up to the mouth . I am cold due to the fact there is a gaping hole in the window even when shut , also because it costs so much to have the heating on based on the last bill I got . I never thought I would be starting off this blog with an actual headache when I named it , I guess that is life just showing how quirky it is or how stupid I am to be staring at a bright screen whilst having a headache.
I am pretty sick today , not the best day for me to get sick , but I will try not to get into that now.

I think all the time. I think a lot more on these days, quiet monotonous days where I cannot stand a conversation as I am terribly sick . I step back and look at my life . I question myself.
Where am I going wrong ? What am I doing right ? What is the point of it all ? What IS the point of it all ?

Over the last few years I feel as though I have developed as a person . I feel I know who I am , but still have those moments of doubt.

I am going to use this blog to explore my endless headaches and trill seeking and try to explore these questions and in doing so explore me. I also want to give my view on certain topics , but one hurdle at a time .